I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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