Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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