Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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