I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
