And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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