I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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