yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
