So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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