I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I intend to get homeless drunk
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
