you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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