It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
