booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
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