Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
