so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
