i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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