We won't sleep together?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
