The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
