this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
