i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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