He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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