Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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