the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
