I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
