actually, I'm a sock model
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
