We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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