Im at strip club and am horny
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
