when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
