It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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