I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Every concussion has its silver lining
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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