My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
