Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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