peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
