I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
