Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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