She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
