I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
