plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
