wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
