How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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