so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
