btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
