a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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