Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
