seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
