I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
