guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
