If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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