True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
