I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Your cock deserves a montage
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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