Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
