Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I need moral support for this bender
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
