I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
