Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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