I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
