and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
