You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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