I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
