Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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