Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
